IS IT OK TO SPEND THE HOLIDAYS BY YOURSELF?
If you’re asking yourself if it’s ok to spend the holidays by yourself, then I’m here to give you an answer: Yes. If you choose to be alone this holiday, especially Christmas, please know that you are not alone. The holidays are commercialized as a time to be with loved ones, ie. Family, but for many of us that’s not a possibility or we hate it. And that’s ok.
WHY IS IT OK TO BE ALONE THIS HOLIDAY?
It’s ok to spend the holidays by yourself. Just because society, advertisements, etc. tell you to be with family–especially toxic ones–does not mean you have to. This one specific day on the calendar is still just another day on the calendar. If you remove the expectations from others, the colors and lights, again–the advertisements–it’s just any ‘ol day.
If you’ve spent 364 days out of the year by yourself, you can enjoy this one day with just yourself; if toxic family members don’t speak to you, check-in with you, in 364 days, you are not obligated to go see them for this one day.
Toxic, dysfunctional families aside, some of us may not have a family. Some of us may have been abandoned, or given up, at a young age. Others may be the remaining members of their family.
It’s not fair that, for many of us, the holidays have to be about family. Our family may not exist. Family, itself, is supposed to be warm, welcoming, understanding, supportive–they’re all adjectives–actions. But if your family is only a noun–a group of people who sit around and mope, criticize, talk-down to people, one-up, devalue, you name it–it’s not the sense of a family–it’s just an object that society tells you to go visit. It’s like the dishes, they sit there and cause a mess for you to clean.
Personally, I hate the holidays. It has never been a fun time of year for me. It’s just a time for my narcissistic mother to show off the house and her cooking, and compare it all to my aunties’ so she can feel better about her miserable self. It’s really stupid. It’s also just like any other day for me, where I’m forced to be in the kitchen, cooking and cleaning, while the rest of my siblings get to sit around and chit-chat. I’m the family scapegoat, or Cinderella, by the way. So I dread going over to my parents for the holidays.
And when I go to my in-laws, it’s like any other time we get together: no one really talks to each other. And if they do, it’s one person having a monologue about how “great” they are at work, or they’re moping about how much they hate work–uh, why the hypocrisy? And everyone else gives them a pity party. BORING! And since my husband and I are doing better than this particular person, we get stepped on, devalued, and pushed to the side, so this one person can feel better about their miserable life as well. PATHETIC.
So I have chosen to spend my holidays alone. And you can too.
WHAT CAN YOU DO INSTEAD?
Spend this time with friends or do something that you enjoy. I have had holiday parties with friends, and they have been the best. There is no drama, no competition, no passive-aggression, no awkward silences–it’s just nice, relaxing, and peaceful. And everyone actually wants to be there; we don’t feel obligated to attend. I also recently watched Arthur’s Christmas on PBS, and on the show, we’re reminded that not everyone celebrates such holidays as Christmas. So on “Christmas” they do other things, such as celebrate a different holiday–Baxter Day, for instance–or they go to the movies.
Simply put–make today your day. It’s a me-day. Go out with friends or stay home. If you’re home, get some sleep or rest, clean the house if you like, watch that movie you haven’t had time for, catch up on that book by your bedside, finish that darn manuscript you’ve been writing, etc. Heck, listen to music, sing or dance to your heart’s content.
Here’s some uplifting music to get you through this one day in the year:
I, myself, am using this as a me-day. Not only is it my birthday, but I get me-time while my husband and children are out of the house. They can celebrate with toxic family members and toxically hope that things will change, but I have accepted that there is no healthy, loving family on both sides. Instead, I will be working on my current writing project, doing some reading, editing some videos, and maybe I can finally clean the house. Toddlers also make a mess for one to clean. This mother’s job is never done.
CONCLUSION:
In conclusion, you find yourself alone this holiday, please know that you are not alone. The holidays are just commercialized as a time to be with loved ones, to honestly make you spend money–it’s a scam. You don’t have to partake. Instead, spend this time with friends or have me-time. Do something you enjoy, such as a hobby or sleep-in.
Above all, do not let this one time in the year get you down. It will come and go. It will pass just like any other day on the calendar. Yes, you are taking this one day at a time, and it will be difficult, but you are not alone. There are many of us in this journey called life with you. Just take it slow and take care of yourself.